Between two hard places and his dreams
by natsukileeRKOlover
Summary: Evan Bourne's got a problem. His career isn't going anywhere and it's killing him. So he's turned to drugs to get him out. Too bad it made it worse. M for drug use. drabble.


He was the only one in the lonely two bed hotel room. His roommate for the night, tag team partner, was off at the bar with the other guys. He'd chosen to stay and rest in his room.

But how could he rest with all that noise!

And yet, the empty room was silent. There was no noise. Even the streets below were quiet.

The only noise he was hearing was the mindless need in him.

Matthew Korklan was tired and sick and angry. Guys younger and new to the buisness are maineventing shows and PPvs and he wasn't. He was feeling the pressure. ... He'd been feeling the pressure for years now. Maybe he should have stayed in TNA? But he'd always wanted to wrestle for WWE. And he knew the crowd loved him. The cheering proved it.

But he felt like he was stuck in the same damn place forever, rising just babysteps towards the spotlight every so often. Matt wanted to win a real title. One that actually mattered in today's circut, unlike the tag titles, which lost it's validity years ago with the rest of the WWE extreme division.

So why was he there? Why be a WWE superstar (they couldn't even be called wrestlers anymore) when his kind was a dying breed? When he wasn't good enough in the eyes of some. Maybe that's it. He wants to prove he's good enough.

But it's hard. It's so hard to prove your worth to the nonbelievers. So hard it hurts. Mentally and physically.

Matt let out a desparate breathe. He felt like he was going to panic again. He dug through his bag for the small pouch within. Out, he pulled something he knew would get him in trouble again. He just... just could help it. It called to him. It chased every fear away.

He never meant it to be like this. He never thought he'd end up using drugs as a way out of his heartbreak and hurt. Matt never thought he'd need it this much. He need a vacation from reality.

And as that venom coarsed his veins like a predator not willing to let go of it's prize, Matt stopped hearing the noise of his doubt. He was Evan Bourne. He was born those years ago for what he was doing. To be a WWE superstar. To keep alive te hope of every highflying fan sitting at home and near the ring. He put his body on the line everynight for the sake of his dreams.

But deep in his brain, hidden under the smoke of his release, he couldn't help think his dreams were never going to come true. And he didn't know if it was because he payed his dues and never got his winnings or because of his own self destruction.

His eyes closed on the slding glass doors, soking up the lovely night sky.

No one ever said being a WWE superstar would be easy...

He just never expected it to be this hard.

Matt just wished he could turn back time and start over again, hoping to get to the top.

What was he doing?

He'd become his worse enemy. The doubting druggie who was giving up on everything he'd promised. He was goiving up on Evan Bourne everytime he let the drugs touch him. He was giving up his career without even realizing it.

He needed to stop and get clean.

But it was hard. Life was hard. And he was stuck.

If he hadn't been in such a state, tears would probably pricked his eyes. He was affraid of what he'd become was going to take over what he'd begun his track to be. Matthew Korklan knew he had a problem, his first failed wellness test proved that. But he couldn't help it.

Matt then let himself slip away into his mind once again. Tomorrow they had another wellness test, which he knew he was going to fail. And that hurt even more, to know he was throwing away his dreams because of the doubt.

* * *

><p><em>This is a drabble... I guess my first one really. I kinda just need to work out my writers block so when I got inspired I wrote this. If you don't know, this was inspired by the fact of Evan Bourne's suspension due to failing 2 wellness tests. I made it because of recreational drugs, but you never know. Mostly the wellness policy tests for steriods, but I'm not sure if it test for other drugs. But anyways. it's drugs i wrote about not steriods, because i just felt like it.<em>

_Read and review please._

**Love Natsuki Lee**


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